My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
