I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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