apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
