So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
