How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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