??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
