It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Randomize
