:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
