He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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