So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
