just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
