like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
