If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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