Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
