We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
