drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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