Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
