she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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