I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
