We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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