This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
