Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
