i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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