I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
