Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
