so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
