dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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