You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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