I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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