i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
