Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
