dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
