pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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