Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The ass gains better be worth it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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