that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
