i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
