I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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