I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
