Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
