Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
