this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
