yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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