Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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