whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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