He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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