He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
