Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
