dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
