if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
