I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Naked. naked and bneed help.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
