Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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