someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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