i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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