My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
