The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
even my farts smell like vagina
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
NoShamevember. You game?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
